My name is Tina and I am a mother of 4 beautiful children. My oldest son Mykel age 14 is on the autism spectrum. Life has been a challenge to say the least. Mykel started showing signs that something wasn't quite right when he was about 18 months of age. He stopped looking into my eyes, he wasn't interested in playing the games he used to love. He stopped talking and ignored me when I spoke to him. At that time I couldn't find many people that knew why he was doing these things. His pediatrician thought he had hearing difficulties and or speech problems.When he was 4 years old I finally found a Doctor that had the answers I needed. After many tests and visits to specialists and neurologists, finally at age 5 Mykel was diagnosed with autism.
I had no idea what autism meant. I had never heard of autism spectrum disorder. I had not seen it in anyone else. I wasn't aware of anyone in my entire family had this disorder, although I don't call it that. To me Mykel is like a breathe of fresh air in a all crazy busy world and he teaches me to slow down at just the right times. Studies have shown that if you have one autistic child you may also have more. I have 3 additional children Isabella age 11,Julian age 8,Angelina age 5 and none of them are not on the spectrum.
Moving forward to now I sometimes think if only I had known then what I do now. What would I have done different? How could I have helped him? Could I have prevented this somehow? I am sure we all ask those questions over and over again. I have often blamed myself and I am sure many of you have too. It isn't my fault or yours. All we can do now is put our children together with the the agencies and support groups that are out there and help them one day at a time. Determine to never give up and never give in. Their time is now and they will fight this. They already do everytime they learn to say your name they are expressing their love for you no matter what difficulties they may have. The first time my son said Mom I cried. Then I hugged him and I said to him as I looked into his eyes."My Mykel is in there isn't he?
I want to reach out to the many families that maybe dealing with these same issues. You are not alone and there is help if you just ask. Sometimes asking is the hardest part. You may feel that you are the only one dealing with things like this. You are not. I have plans of writing a help book for all of us and I wanted to start by writing this blog. I have never tried anything like this before but my love for Mykel and my desire to see 'our' world understood drives a need to share. As in any endeavor I am sure I will get better with practice. My son taught me that and he continues to teach me that every single day.
Having a child that physically hits you and other children in the home as well as teachers and mentors is not an easy thing to deal with. It can be mentally stressful for everyone. Often you will blame yourself and feel depressed. Starting this blog is my way of putting my problems out there and sharing them with the other people so I don't have to hold onto them anymore by myself. It is my hope and prayer to connect with other families that have been through this or are going through this now, creating a venue we can all share and support. There are medically technical sites that can and will be referenced but this effort is to create a place of mutual support and information.
For me his School as well as other supporters in his life has been what has pushed me to go on and get me through this.I can not stress enough just how important it is to have support when you have a child on the spectrum.You are not alone there are so many out here dealing with this issue.There is hope and things will look brighter tomorrow even when it doesn't seem possible that things are going to change.They will get better in time.
I am not a specialist or a doctor, I am a mother of a child with autism. I will speak to you as a mother that is dealing with a aggressive teenager. I will share with you what we have dealt with and ways we have solved problems that we have encountered and hopefully enrich us all.
I have found that one of the best ways of dealing with the aggression that can occur with an autistic teen is to have a safety plan and a plan of action for when the aggression occurs. Our safety plan involves a board that has pictures of Mykel expressing himself in ways for him to understand that he is to have safe hands, safe feet, quiet mouth and listen. Another good idea is to make a 'whole family plan' for what works best when your child does get aggressive. I will always get the other children out of the area so I can deal with Mykel one on one. If he gets too frustrated with listening to me he will sometimes attempt to hit his siblings. Tracking the behaviors that lead to the aggression is often difficult as the behaviors can often change. Usually I will see the aggression if Mykel is not allowed to have something at the time he wants it. Any negativity is often difficult for a child on the spectrum to deal with. He doesn't seem to understand that he can't have something or do something when he wants to do it. I am always phrasing things that point to 'No' in other terms such as "It is not a good time,:Let's do that later" and/or "Maybe we can try this instead" This is the behavior I see in Mykel. Obviously it may be very different for each child, as every child has their own difficulties.
I have also noticed that Mykel's aggressive behavior will increase when his schedule goes off. For instance during 'off' days at school which the alters his expectation. Consistency works best and I know it is often tough to keep things the same and follow a routine. It is important that a child on the spectrum is kept as close to a routine as possible. I find that making schedules and setting goals to be very helpful to our family. Another effective method for us is the use of social activity and picture stories. We also make up games that keep him interested and attentive. He loves to fill water balloons and string beads. We make our own play dough which is a great family project. We will play silly music and dance. It is such fun to see him laugh and have a great time. This also helps the other children in 'accepting' their brother naturally and build real family caring moments. I highly recommend letting your inner child out and making things up as you go along. It will keep your child interested and you will feel young again and start to see the world through their eyes. Once that happens it will open a whole world of new opportunities for you to experience the world through the eyes of a child on the spectrum. It did for me.
Someone once said to me that he is not 'stupid' he is autistic. Often, autistic children are very intelligent. I find that to be very true as my son understands everything I say to him. He has feelings and opinions even if he can't say them you can see them if you look hard enough. Often they are clearer then if he used words to express his wants and needs.
In closing I am going to refer you to a few sites that have been a great help to me and say that I have really enjoyed writing this blog for all of you. I hope that it has given you insight and shown you that you are not going through this alone.We are all in a battle to solve the many questions there are when you are living with a child on the spectrum. This list will expand as we travel the journey together.
www.redandgreenchoices.com
This site will help with positive behavior strategies
www.do2learn.org
This site will help with social stories and different activities
you can do.
www.autismspeaks.org
is a all around great site to research the different achievements being made as we work closer to a answer in solving this puzzle.
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